In This Twilight
by Anti-canon
Summary: Dean doesn't remember much of life on the outside. He only knows how to survive here. When a new boy gets placed in the cell next door he is reminded of what lies beyond the stone and bars of his prison. Based off of Florence and the Machine's Cosmic Love


**A/N:Yes, this is a songfic, but please don't judge it until you read it! Just give it a chance! Please listen to the song it was based off of before/after/during reading. It is based off of Florence and the Machine's Cosmic Love. It seems that I am incapable of writing fluff for this fandom and I apologize profusely. :P Please, please, please leave me some reviews. I love to hear from all of you. Also, if you find yourself liking this, I am still giving away some one-shots over at my LJ. If you're interested send me a PM.**

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><p><em>Dean<em>

You sit patiently in the corner of your cell, listening to the guards harass your newest neighbor. The walls are thin and you can hear every derogatory slur, every blow to their body, and every bit back sob. You rest your head against the cool, damp stone and wait for it to be over so you can get some rest. There is the smallest of windows through which you could watch the violence, as others are inclined to do, but you have had enough violence for a lifetime. You can remember a time when roughhousing with your younger brother was nothing but sport, when you enjoyed the burn of your muscles, the rush of adrenaline, and the dull ache that accompanied a victory. Now those feelings just make you sick. Finally the noise dies down as the guards seem to grow bored and leave the room, laughing amicably as though they just shared an amusing water cooler conversation.

You hear the person beside you draw ragged breaths, accompanied with a few hisses of pain as they drag themselves to the barred window. The small square isn't even large enough for their entire face to fit, and it is usually too dark to make out features in any case, but you can see a pair of eyes and their luminescent blue seems to glow in the ever-present twilight of your prison. You expect to see the pain there, the despair and fear that anyone in this situation would feel, but instead you see resilience and openness. Your breath catches in your chest- it has been so long since you have seen an expression like that. "Is anybody there?" The voice that calls out is distinctly male, but it is young, he can't be much younger than you. You debate whether or not to answer, but there is something about this person that you just can't ignore.

You walk over to the window reluctantly and ask him what he wants. A brief flash of relief passes through the eyes before they return to normal. They squint as he tries to get a look at you. "You're a fighter." he says matter-of-factly. Long, slender fingers come up to accompany the eyes as they grip at the bars. Unlike yours, they do not bear the telltale signs of the brawls that the males here are used for. You think that this means he must be new, hasn't yet seen what this place is all about and you pity him for a moment. 'Everyone is a fighter.' you tell him. 'That is why they take us.' His brow wrinkles and his eyes get sad. "I do not fight." You can tell from the way that he says it, exactly what that means he is here for. The pity you felt turns into aversion and you scowl at him, though you know that he will probably not see it. 'Coward.' you call him as you begin to walk back to your corner- no longer wishing to waste your energy on someone like him.

You look back after you sit, and see the eyes are still there, but now they have turned cold and hard. "No." the forcefulness of the word reverberates throughout the room as you wait for the elaboration. "They may abuse me all they want, but I will not bring suffering to others on their behalf." The eyes disappear from the window and you hear him drop to the floor. You bite back your anger as the words sink in and quickly begin to change the beliefs you have held firm since you first came here. Perhaps you are the coward and he is the one who is brave. 'Dean.' you tell him. 'My name is Dean.' you wait patiently for some kind of reply or confirmation- though you would not be surprised if one does not come. "They tell me to introduce myself as Jimmy, they do not like my name." he pauses for a moment before letting out a sigh, "But I am Castiel."

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><p><em>Castiel<em>

When you hear the door to his cell open, you scramble to the window and watch the shadows shift inside, knowing the ensuing scratches and thumps mean he is coming towards you. You do not know how long it has been since you met Dean, this soulless place is always dark, as if the sun, stars, and moon have all been blown out. You do know that it has made this hell so much more bearable. His face presses up against the bars and you can make out the discoloration from the numerous fights there. Lightly, you run your fingers across what little skin you can access and speak softly to him, knowing that he just needs to know that someone is there. Despite Dean's initial gruff attitude and regular insistence to the contrary, you know that he is just as vulnerable as everyone else stuck here. 'I have memorized the sound of your heartbeat.' you tell him. He snorts and cracks open an eye. "Shit, Cas. That's just creepy." You smile because you know there is no malice behind the words. 'But now I can find you, no matter how dark it gets.' At this, both of his eyes flash open and he backs out of your touch. "Don't say stuff like that Cas." You recognize that tone and drop your hand away from the window. "You and I know that the chances of getting out of here are beyond slim. The chances of them even letting us stay in these cells aren't good."

You sit back in the corner and bring your knees to your chest. 'I know.' you tell him. He always makes sure that you know. It took a lot of work to get him to trust you, but once it happened the two of you grew closer than you thought possible. Despite the way that you feel towards each other, Dean has always considered himself a realist and has long ago forgotten about the promise of tomorrow. "Don't- don't be like that Cas." You apologize to him, but don't go back to the window. For the next small while- it is impossible to measure days- it is quiet between the two of you. You still answer when Dean talks, but you haven't been to the window since that day. You're not even sure why it bothered you so much, but you know that it hurts when you think about it. You feel bad because you can tell from his demeanor that he regrets the hasty reaction to your words. "Cas?"

'Hmm?' you look over at the window and can see his eyes searching the room for you. "C'mere. Please?" Dean rarely talks to you in that manner, so you get up and walk over to it. When you finally reach it, his fingers push through the bars and tug at your chin. You let them guide you and are surprised when he presses an awkward kiss against your mouth through the bars. It is impossible to find a comfortable position, but the sentiment is enough to keep the two of you there for a while. When you break away, you can just make out a smirk on his lips as he keeps his fingers brushing across your jawline.

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><p><em>Dean<em>

You hear a loud crumple and thump as someone gets dropped in the cell next door- the room that you can only ever think of as Cas'. You're not yet sure if it is him, but you are unable to stamp down the raw hope that is raging in your heart. He was taken to a customer a while back and it seems as though it has taken a lifetime for any hint of his return. For a while it seemed as though they had finally taken him away for good. You wait and listen for the familiar voice that has grown husky and deep with age to assuage the fear roiling in your stomach. You can hardly breathe, hoping that when the prone figure through the window turns, you will be able to see the bright blue eyes that populate both your waking and sleeping hours. After a few tenuous moments, an empty chuckle bounces around the room. "Don't have a heart attack Dean, I'm fine enough." Your head falls against the bars and your hands finally stop shaking.

You tell him, yet again, that you think his freakish hearing is creepy because you know it makes him smile. You want to know what happened, where he's been; and you know if you ask he will tell you the truth, without hesitation. But you don't ask because you're not sure you could handle the answer. Instead you start telling him what you remember of your life before. He loves to hear whatever you are willing to give- having never really had a family of his own. You continue to talk as he slowly uncurls from around himself. Over time you have learned that Castiel was brought here at a much younger age than you were. He doesn't like to speak of his time before, and you know that whoever took care of him there was hardly better than the people here.

Long ago you decided that, even if you don't believe either of you will get out of here, you would give anything to take Cas far away from this place and give him the life that he deserves. He often tells you of the things that you would do together if that were ever to come true. It breaks your heart every time. Cas would be more than happy with a simple life, always talking of lazy mornings, cooking comfort food, and curling up with a book and a warm sweater- though he isn't sure he remembers how to read. You always kiss him quiet when it gets to be too much.

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><p><em>Castiel<em>

You try not to show the heartache that threatens to finally break your spirit as you whisper encouraging words through the window. Not long ago Dean was escorted back to his cell, panic in his voice and shame in his eyes. He was hysteric as he told you how he had won his freedom, after all the years that he had spent insisting they would never have their freedom, he was finally rewarded his own. He has laughed, cried, raged, and now he is just quiet. Over and over he says that it should have been you. You were the one that always held on to hope, you had been there the longest, you had never had the chance to live a life. You tell him that is exactly why it must be him. He has the chance to be someone, have something. You would not even know what to do with yourself in a life on the outside.

You know that your voice is not as strong as it should be, but you run your fingers along his face as you do after every fight, trying to calm the chaos in his mind. You tell him to take the stars from the sky and make a map. You tell him exactly how they will help to find his way back. "Dean, you are going to see your brother and father again. The three of you will be so happy together. And then, when the time is right, you are going to meet someone who will spend their days making you pies and burgers and more food than you will know what to do with. You'll catch them counting your freckles while you sleep and every morning you will wake with them tight in your arms, smiling because that is all they will ever want in life." He asks you not to say things like that, and for a while you oblige.

You sit in the quiet, just letting these last moments be what they will. You are not sorry for having met him what seems like so long ago, even if it will be the one thing that is your undoing. While Dean may just be the death of you, you know that if it were not for him, there would be no life for them to take. Unlike him there had been nothing of worth in your life before and he is the only thing in your life during that has made this whole existence worthwhile. When he goes, you will not curse the sky as you are so inclined to do. You will be content knowing that the one thing you truly wished for in this life was granted to you. You will mourn what once was, but you know that loving is letting go, and you would gladly give your sad semblance of a life here for Dean to have a real one on the outside.

You know that the time of his release is fast approaching, and though you know it is selfish, you cannot help but let yourself have this one thing. 'Promise me something?' you ask him. You wait until his eyes come into the frame of the window and you know that at this moment he will do whatever you ask- even if it was to stay in this hell with you. 'Don't forget me when you are gone. Live for me. You will be the only proof that I have ever existed.' His eyes are sad at first, but grow tougher by the second. "I promise." the words seem to flow through you and give you the strength to truly smile for him. 'I love you Dean.' as you say the words for the first time, you have the feeling that it will also be the last. _How poetic_ you think to yourself as you give him one last kiss through the bars. You hear the doors on the other side open and Dean begins to walk away. "I love you too Cas. And I will come back for you."

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><p><em>Dean<em>

"You are twenty five." they tell you as you sit in the uncomfortable chairs in the police station. Everything here is too loud and too bright. You do not remember the outside being so hectic and busy. They are so many people milling about and you feel overwhelmed. You clutch at the blanket that has been draped across your shoulders- it is so much softer than anything you have felt in a long time. You can only wonder if Cas is cold too. The officer in front of you tries to catch your attention again and motions to two vaguely familiar males standing just out of hearing range. You can almost remember the one with long hair, but the last time you saw him, he was significantly smaller than he is now. They are supposed to be your family. Everyone keeps looking at you, expecting you to get up and run into their arms, but they are strangers to you now. The only family you knew, you left behind.

You can barely manage to sit through this police debriefing and you wonder how they expect you to get a job and function here. You were only sixteen when you were taken, so it has been eight years since your life on the outside. You don't remember much of how you are supposed to act or hold yourself. You know a different set of rules that no one here would understand. You can't even imagine being a regular joe like all of these people surrounding you in a sea of over sensitization. The only reason you are still here is to make sure that they are going to search for Cas, and that you are going to be right there when they do. But no one will listen to your pleas. They just keep telling you that you are in shock and that you need time to rest. You cannot rest knowing that he is there without you. Every minute you waste here is a minute that could have been spent with him.

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><p><em>Castiel<em>

You never really noticed how quiet it is here until now. You had grown used to having the ever-present rhythm of his heart nearby, a constant comfort that reminds you there is something besides this stone cage and the even more suffocating cage of a client's arms. But now you and the dark only have one companion- the silence. You no longer are able to keep any semblance of time, there is no dawn, no day, you are always in this twilight. You curl up into the corner, trying to find some semblance of warmth. Jolts of pain lance through your back and you sit a little bit straighter. Ever since Dean left, you have been unable to please the clients they take you to. They have made sure that you will not forget exactly what it means to fail them. The scars that are sure to form will be there for long after you have outgrown your usefulness.

Sometimes, you think you can still hear his heartbeat, out there, in the dark. It always snags your attention, and you always drag yourself to that window, thinking maybe this time it won't be empty, maybe this time he will be waiting to set you free. But you know that this is where you will remain. You sit in the shadow of his heart and pray for the day when you become one with the very darkness in which you sit. Perhaps he will come for you, perhaps this sense of hopelessness that you feel in unfounded. But you cannot wish for that. You want, more than anything, for him to leave this place behind and live the life that he was meant to. Either way, you are not going anywhere.


End file.
